Tuesday, September 30, 2008

San Diego does not mean whale's vagina

For the first time in my entire adult life, I decided to leave town for my birthday.

OK, so I got some encouragement from the boy who not only mocked me for being as old as Jesus and Alexander the Great were when they died, but also decided we should just be friends right before my trip.

Guess I digressed a bit there, back on topic. :)

The San Diego zoo is amazing. Between the pandas and the koalas and the otters, I haven't gotten a bigger kick out of a zoo since I rode a camel at the Columbus Zoo when I was about 12.

The night before my birthday, we caught a Padres game. Now, my disdain for America's pasttime has been documented, but I have to admit that watching Trevor Hoffman run out in the ninth to Hell's Bells sent shivers up my spine. Oh, and they had fireworks. I love fireworks.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The dreaded plateau

I've hit a plateau.

I've gained a pound total over the last month. My eating habits haven't really changed. I'm still hitting the gym three times a week. I'm growing increasingly frustrated.

At the same time, my pants are looser and Sara at work asked me if I had lost more weight, because my face looked thinner.

After I get back from San Diego, I intend to try Weight Watcher's plateau busting program, but I already eat only about 20 points a day.

I did bump up the amount of weight and the number of reps I was doing at the gym earlier this month, so perhaps my body is adjusting.

It still makes me hostile though.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Random musings from church

1) Don't they teach people to NOT bite the wafer anymore? It's supposed to respresent Jesus' body. Biting it is bad, cause it's like chewing on Jesus.

2) The woman behind me had a fantastic voice, but she belonged up in the choir, not behind me. I'm now deaf.

3) I still haven't gotten my welcoming bread.

4) The more I hear him speak, the more I like the guy who does the preaching. He's my kind of liberal.

5) I do not get people who wear jeans to church. It still strikes me as disrespectful, but I may have changed my mind today.

There was a girl who was wearing a brown shrug, turquoise tank top, black sweat pants and florescent yellow flip flops. That was far worse than the (adorable) guy wearing nice jeans and a button-down.

6) My gaydar is faulty. The cute blond guy in the choir I thought was cute. . . yea, his partner was there today. Oops!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Stan is for Obama!

I just want to plug one of my new and favoritist sites, catsforobama.com.

Similar to Stuff on My Cat, it features pictures of cute, adorable kitties with Obama buttons, books, bumper stickers and even wearing Obama t-shirts.

There are even some lolcats. In that spirit, Stan and Maggie have posed with their favorite Obama button :)

Thursday, September 18, 2008


What is the appropriate response for the survivors?

Saying, "It'll all work out" doesn't work. You still have a job.

"I'm so sorry?" Better, but it doesn't really make either of you feel better.

Calling in favors to try to help the layoffee find a new job. Slightly better, but you still feel like it's not enough.

While McClatchy does layoffs in a manner I'd consider the "right" way (People are called into the publisher's office so there's not a string of people going into the EE's office, then allowed to go home for the rest of the day, paid. They then continue to work for up to two weeks before receiving their severance and cleaning out their desk), that doesn't make it any easier -- on the person laid off or on their co-workers. What are you supposed to say? How are you supposed to treat them?

But hey, at least the big wigs got to fly the private jet with its flatscreen TVs to places they could have driven to in two hours for an extra few months.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

ruffles, ruffles everywhere

The fashion guru who decided that grown women would look good in ruffles is a vile, evil person.

All ruffles do is add volume to a woman, and when that woman has busted her ass over the course of three years to lose 70 pounds, she does not want to have added volume. She wants to look cute and skinny(er), dammit!

And when that woman has boobs the size the Pam Anderson's (and not because of surgery), she really doesn't want ruffles anywhere near her boobies, esp. ones along the edge of a v-neck that do nothing but draw even more attention.

She also doesn't want little tiny ruffles down the button front. She doesn't want her boobies to look any bigger. They attract enough attention now, thank you very much.

So to you, ruffle-loving fashion designer, I hope you go to hell and find yourself a round woman with DDD boobs stuck wearing a ruffled v-neck for all eternity.

Monday, September 15, 2008

My new addiction

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem, so here it goes: I have a crafting problem.

It started out so simply. I wanted to make my own Christmas cards because I couldn't find any I liked one year, so I bought some stamps, ink and funky paper and made my own.

Then it progressed. I made my own wrapping paper the next year.

Then last year, I made food gifts for all my friends, along with cards and stationary for various occasions (birthday, moving, new job, etc.).

This year, I discovered etsy, where I could buy crafts from other people.

I am in heaven. There are sooooo many talented women out there making awesome things that are far beyond my abilities.

One of those talented women is Jesse Janes, who makes scrabble tile pendants.

Her's are fantabulous. I bought the pink bird one and several more.

I would have bought more, but my spending limit had been met. I wanted all of them.

I will probably go broke, but at least I'll have fantastic, crafty things!


To check out Jesse's awesomely cool pendants, go to http://jessejanes.etsy.com

Saturday, September 13, 2008


I was hoping for a weekend without drama.

No cute boy telling me he thinks we should just "be friends." No weird days off at work. No work friends giving notice and planning to move back to the other side of the country.

Instead, I got Hurricane Ike and an ex-boyfriend trying to worm his way back into my life.

My family in Houston elected to ride out the storm, and I haven't been able to get in touch with them. I've left messages, but the power's out and the phone lines are overloaded. Given the part of the metro area they're in (Northwest), they should be fine, but I still worry.

The ex? Well, we broke up for very good reasons. He abandoned me when I had surgery, attempted to sabatoge my weight loss efforts and is dumber than a box of rocks.

But he didn't get that we'd broken up. He kept calling and IMing and just generally bugging me. The final straw was a night when I got a series of IMs when I was out with friends. They started normal with Hi and things like that. They escalated in desperatness until he demanded I call him. I blocked him on IM, defacebooked him and deleted him from my phone.

And yet he still thinks I'd want to be friends? Even five months later, I don't need a stalker or even a desperate ex-boyfriend hanging around.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Stan's puff

My roommate gave my cat his shower puff after Stan destroyed it the other day.

Stan, of course, thinks it is the greatest thing ever. It's completely unraveled, and he "hides" in it, acting as if we can't see him crouched down in the midst of the puff's remains.

If fact, he thinks he's so well-hidden that he jumps out and grabs our legs when we walk by, before darting away to go hide in the puff again.

Stan carries the puff around the apartment, making a nest of it in different rooms. Sometimes, he just curls up in it and sleeps.

All this puff play has one result. . . Stan now smells like soap!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

A moment

I'm taking a break from my usual snarkiness today as we all observe the anniversary of 9/11.

It was my first year of teaching, and I was administering the wonderful and (way too) important standardized test at Glenwood Middle School (in the hood, even) in Evansville, Ind., pretty firmly in flyover country.

One of the teaching aids came by my room for my scheduled bathroom break and informed me the first tower had been hit and told as I left the room to go down to the office because I had a phone message.

It was my mother, telling me that my brother-in-law may have been at the Pentagon. I freaked out. My sister was about seven months pregnant and lived 10 hours away from all of us. What if she was suddenly left alone? What would she do? She didn't work full time. Nobody was in Baltimore to help her out. How would she cope?

After testing was done for the day, I flipped on the TV and let my students watch in unfold. Most of them were uninterested and complained before asking if I would turn the station to BET (Um, how about no, my little darlings.) I only had one student who seemed to care, and he got so worked up and angry I had to send him to the office for a talk with the assistant principal (who he loved) and a timeout.

Near the end of the day, the intercom interrupted my classroom to tell me my brother-in-law was OK, and a cheer went up from my previously disinterested students. Apparently, the whole thing didn't matter to them until it affected someone they knew (I kid you not, they were more upset over Aaliyah dying than over 3K dying on 9/11).

Later my sister said Mom was just overreacting and that her hubby had been at work the whole time.

As I reflect on that day, I've had Alan Jackson's "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)" running through my head. The line about teaching a class full of innocent children never fails to bring the tears, so I'll leave you with it.


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Sarah Palin's rape issue

There is one reason that I think Sarah Palin is a horrible human being.

It's not her support and then disavowel of the "Bridge to Nowhere." It's not her attendance at a church that speaks in tongues, thinks the rapture is coming soon and tries to turn gays straight. It's not her lack of intellectual curiosity. It's not the fact she lies about her love of pork-barrel projects.

No, it's her lack of empathy for victims of rape.

She thinks abortion should be banned even in cases of rape and incest. Gov. Palin would force women who have been violated in one of the worst ways imaginable to carry the child of the man who brutalized them.

She, at the very least, allowed the police chief in the city of which she was mayor to charge victims for their rape kits, which can run as much as $1,200. Rape is one of the most underreported crimes in this country, and Palin wanted to make it even harder for victims.

Nobody charges robbery victims for evidence collection at their crime scenes. Why would Palin be OK with rape victims being charged simply because their crime scene happens to be their body?

How you treat people less fortunate than you says a lot about you as a person. Sarah Palin's apparent positions on how she'd treat rape victims tell me she's a pretty shitty person deep down.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Hell's highway is paved with good intentions

I'm going to hell.

I now have incontravertable proof. I think the youngish priest at my church is hot, not just a little bit cute or just not an old fart, nope, hot -- curly hair, nerd glasses -- yep, hot.

I'm pretty sure I broke at least three commandments on Sunday. I was coveting what is surely a married man (that's two) and maybe preferring to look at the priest instead of paying attention to what I should have been is the same as having a false idol.

Yep, definitely going to hell.

I even went to Bible study on Monday hoping he'd be the priest leading the session. He wasn't, and the little old ladies at the session were lovely and thought it was fantastic to have a youngling among them, but I'd be breaking yet another commandment if I didn't say I was disappointed to not get the opportunity to find out if he was married or not.

Maybe I can find out when I go back next week.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Shopping for jeans

Is there a worse feeling in the world than shopping for jeans?

As if the florescent lights and mirrors weren't bad enough, the weight I've lost means I have no clue what size I wear or what styles I can pull off these days.

Bootlegs? Ick! They make my hips look massive.

Skinny? Disgusting! I looked awful in them when I weighed 100 pounds back when they were in style the last time. Now, I've got more junk in my trunk and they still make me look even shorter than I am.

Wide-legged? The best so far. Course they're so long that I'll have to pay to have them altered. Petites aren't an option because I have a regular rise.

All of them make me hate some part of my body.

I think I'm sticking with skirts until further notice.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Harry Potter naked

All I wanted was a picture of Daniel Radcliff for an avatar on a message board.

I didn't want masturbation material. I didn't need to get my jollies looking at a picture of a barely legal boy leaning against a horse.

Yet, that's what I got. (The picture: http://banalchew.typepad.com/Pics4Posts/danequus.jpg)

It wasn't intentional. It was all innocent, I swear, yet I now know he's uncircumsized.

Some things are better left unknown.

I'm shocked, traumatized, appalled. He seemed like such a cute, innocent young man.

I may have to gouge my eyes out.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

The Angelina obsession

Somebody I know said recently that he thought Angelina Jolie might be the most overrated star in Hollywood. She can't act. She's funny looking. She's a husband stealer and the only reason she's considered important is because women are obsessed with her.

Well, duh, of course women are obsessed with her. She's everything a lot of us would like to be -- successful, beautiful, a good mother and, seemingly, one of the few genuinely good people in Hollywood.

Despite the contention that she can't act, early performances in George Wallace, Gia and Girl Interrupted and recent performances such as A Mighty Heart belie that, not to mention that she earns millions of dollars per flick, so directors and producers must find her to be a box office draw.

And those millions of dollars per movie she earns? A huge portion goes to various charities and foundations, some that she has set up and others such as the UNHCR. She also spends a lot of time as a Goodwill Amabassador for the UNHCR visiting refugee camps and as a lobbyist for various humanitarian causes in Washington D.C.

And on top of that, she's involved with Brad Pitt and has six beautiful children

Who wouldn't want to be like that? She's got it all, so to speak.